Too Much Hurt
by Queen Mist
Summary: Everybody thought I was too dense. They were wrong, though. Because I knew she loved me. And she let me go... Gods, she was crazy.


**Summary: Everybody thought I was too dense. They were wrong, though. Because I knew she loved me. And she let me go... Gods, she was crazy.**

Disclaimer: PoT is not mine... please don't sue me!

I watched with hooded eyes the teenagers playing on the tennis court. It reminded me of my junior high days, when I was a bratty freshman with amazing tennis skills and had girls fawning over me. Granted, members of the opposite still fawn over me, and I still had superb tennis skills. I guess winning the Wimbledon three times consecutively does that. I was still much of a brat too, ten years later, but I learned never to push people away.

Especially those who you love the most.

I adjusted the cap on my head, more out of habit than anything. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, a wistful smile tugged at my lips as I left the courts before anyone recognized me. I never did like the crowd.

_I stopped walking as soon as I saw the gates of Seishun Gakuen, warning bells ringing all over my head. I went to school early that morning. I never want to risk the wrath of Tezuka-buchou, who I think suddenly, developed a sadistic side. I shuddered inwardly. Fuji-senpai can really do weird things to people. Anyway, I cautiously peeked around the corner and saw-_

_Nothing._

_I let out a sigh of immense relief and began walking again. That was until I literally bumped into Ryuzaki Sakuno, the old hag's granddaughter and, as Momo-senpai grandly dubbed it, 'my cheerleader'._

_"Ah! G-gomen nasai, Ryoma-kun!" Here she was again, stuttering and apologizing for something that wasn't entirely her fault. And does she need to shake her head like that? It makes her infernal braids- wait. _

_I blinked several times. Where on earth are her braids?_

_Sakuno laughed nervously, fingering her neat French twist, as if recognizing my surprise. "I d-decided to c-change it for once... does it... look bad?"_

_To be honest, it looked pretty good on her. But of course, being Echizen Ryoma, I wasn't about to say that. I looked away indifferently. "Makes no difference."_

_She smiled, as she seemed to sense I like it, making me wonder how on earth she knew me. We stayed like that for a few moments- she staring at me and me looking away and trying not to be affected. Suddenly, she started, her eyes widening. "I forgot! They'll be here in a minute!"_

_"Who?" I blurted out._

_Rather unconsciously, I think, on her part, she grabbed my hand and dragged me away from the school gates, opting for a more roundabout way around the school. I was too surprised to make any move and frankly, I think I liked the feeling of her hand on mine. "Tomo-chan told me your fan club's members were forming a mutiny. Students from higher levels didn't want a first year to be the president. She told me I had to take you away from the crossfire."_

_I couldn't help but snort. Girls are so weird. Crossfire? Oh brother. "What? They're planning to abduct me?"_

_"Yes."_

_I stopped, suddenly frightened. She sounded so serious and damn sure. "What?"_

_She glanced at him, offering a small smile, and pulled him again. "We can't stop. I have to bring you to the tennis courts as soon as possible and yes, they're planning to abduct you."_

_Shit. "What?!"_

_She spoke again, and I could tell from her voice she was smiling at me. "The sophomores and juniors don't want Tomo-chan to be the president of your fan club, and they're planning to take you. That's why I have to bring you to safety."_

_"What are they going to do with me?"_

_"I don't know, Ryoma-kun. I'm not part of any fan club.. Don't worry..." This time, she glanced at me again with that smile on her face. "The worst thing they could do to you is have their way with you."_

_My mouth twitched. "You were joking, right?"_

_She laughed softly. "Yes, I was."_

_Minutes later, we arrived at the tennis courts. And as I was surrounded by my team mates (girls wouldn't dare abduct me in front of Tezuka-buchou and Fuji-senpai), with Ryuzaki walking away from me, smiling slightly, I felt the urge to call her back and run with her to... anywhere. I just wanted to see her smile at me and hold my hand and save me from everything._

_But I didn't._

_Because I was Echizen Ryoma and Echizen Ryoma doesn't have urges to hold some girl's hand or see that girl's smile and run with that girl to the end of the world._

_And so she left. And I was alone._

I sighed. God, I was pathetic that time. I should have grown a spine back then. I didn't even thank her, even after I saw her every single day. Saddening, huh? I still remember that day though as if it was only yesterday- how she looked, how she felt, how utterly smitten I felt after she left. That time, I thought it was a one-time thing. And for a while, it was. I concentrated on tennis and tennis and more tennis. Days, years passed, and I forgot about her and my completely weird feelings. Until that day.

_I'm officially a high school freshman. Finally. I can catch up with my former team mates. I heard Tezuka-senpai was once again the captain of the high school tennis team. No surprise there. And all my other team mates were there too. As much as I hate them, I still miss Momo-senpai and Eiji-senpai and all the other regulars._

_"Ryoma-kun?"_

_I blinked, looked behind me, and saw Ryuzaki. Kami-sama, she had gotten really pretty. She ditched the braids on second year when I finally had the guts to tell her how much I like her hair on that single pleat. I told her she looked more sophisticated. And then I smacked myself inwardly because I just don't comment about girls' hair. "Hey."_

_"It's nice to see you again." How thankful I was she didn't stutter anymore._

_"Are you improving on your tennis?" I asked indifferently. Every summer for the last three years, I have been her coach. She had been a hopeless case at first, but I witnessed a miracle._

_She nodded, practically beaming at me. "Hai. Thank you so much."_

_"Right." I stayed silent, a part of me hoping she'll start a conversation or just walk away. She did neither because I spoke first. God, when did I ever become so talkative? "What class are you in?"_

_She seemed pleased I ask. "I'm in I-A. And I checked. You're my classmate again, Ryoma-kun."_

_Oh. Good. "I see." I am so pathetic. What else to talk about? The only thing I could think of is tennis. "Are you joining the tennis club?"_

_"I'm not really sure. Do you think I should?"_

_"Uh..." Should I tell her yes or no? "I think-"_

_"AHA! There you are, Echizen!"_

_I knew I'd become pale. That voice... oh shit. "Mo-" I was promptly tackled into a bear hug. Sighing inwardly, I relaxed my tense shoulders. Eiji-senpai never did release me until I gave in. "Nice to see you too, Momo-senpai, Eiji-senpai."_

_Momo-senpai grinned, slinging an arm around the surprised Sakuno's shoulders. I bristled, making the redheaded senior laugh. "Hoi, hoi! Ochibi's jealous!"_

_I groaned at the nickname. I'm almost six feet, I wanted to shout. Instead, I muttered an "I'm not small." Too late, I realized I didn't contradict the jealous part, earning me a chuckle from my senpais. OK, scratch whatever I said about missing these two._

_"So," Momo-senpai started conversationally, grinning at Sakuno. "Is this brat here your boyfriend now?"_

_My eyes widened at the implication, my cheeks flushing slightly. "Momo-senpai! What the hell?!"_

_Eiji-senpai nudged me... painfully. "Ooh! Ochibi's getting defensive!"_

_I shrugged away from his headlock, my voice rising as my senpais tried to interfere in my love life again. I could do fine without them, thank you. All they do is mess everything up. "I'm not! All of you are making these weird implications! Neither of us like each other, ok? She doesn't like me, I don't like her, so quit it!" I didn't quite realize I was shouting until I noticed her wide eyes. I closed my mouth as my words rang in my head. Was it just me, or were there tears in her eyes? I swallowed, knowing I had somehow hurt her. "Ok, so I do like her." This time, I spoke the truth though I know the words would sound bitter in her ears. "But we're not like that, ok?"_

_Eiji-senpai nodded, backing away from me. "OK."_

_Sakuno gave me a small smile. And quite suddenly, I saw her clearly once again, my feelings rushing back to me. Oh gods, she was beautiful... and I hurt her. _

_"I-"_

_"It's ok, Ryoma-kun. I know you don't." I could see she was struggling with her words._

_"Wait, Ryuzaki-"_

_She shook her head. "I got to go. It was nice seeing you again, Momo-senpai, Eiji-senpai, R-ryoma-kun." She bowed, and once again, she was walking away from me sans the smile, and I did nothing to stop her. And when I looked at my senpais, I realized one thing._

_I messed up. Big time._

That wasn't my greatest mistake, however. On the contrary, that was the start of many. Since I've never fallen in love before (because I knew now that I loved her), I had decided that my feelings were just a passing attraction and completely unneeded, especially for a rising tennis star. But my feelings didn't diminish or deteriorate. In fact, seeing her still cheering for the team, smiling prettily, had made my heart beat faster, my lungs constrict, and all rational thought leave my mind. My so-called attraction to her grew to so drastic proportions that my tennis got affected. Just thinking about the laps Tezuka-buchou made me run makes me wince.

So I had come to one conclusion: eliminate the source of the problem.

_It was Valentines Day. Kami-sama, how I hate that holiday. I muttered curses under my breath as I walked home, an armful of chocolates and two bags weighing me down. If I didn't have a conscience, I would have thrown the lot, or sold them to earn money. Heck, most of these chocolates came from girls I didn't even know. This day couldn't possibly get worse._

_"Do you need help?"_

_I blinked at the familiar voice and peeked behind the load of chocolates. Ryuzaki. And she was smiling at me. At her question, I wordlessly handed her one bag. She grinned._

_"How many?"_

_"I didn't count," I deadpanned. Honestly. As if I would care. We continued walking._

_"Oh? How about White Day?"_

_I groaned. How could I forget White Day? "I don't even remember the faces of the girls," I confessed._

_She laughed, stopping right in front of me. "Let's see... maybe some of these chocolates have letters," she said, rummaging through the bag._

_I shook my head. "Even if there are letters in some, how about the others?"_

_She took out one, wrapped neatly in an ice blue handkerchief and tied with a simple white ribbon. I blinked. I don't remember that one. She made a sound of agreement. "You're right. That would be totally unfair. So I won't be expecting a rose from you then," she said, giving me a bone-melting grin as she handed me the package._

_I was stunned. "I thought you didn't make me one this year."_

_She shrugged and started walking again. I jogged to catch up. "Hmm... well, I thought it'll add to your bag." Her smile turned wry. "Although I think it didn't make much difference."_

_I grinned as well. She always did give me chocolates every year this day. "Thanks," I said truthfully. I really did appreciate her effort. "Do you like red roses?" I knew what red symbolizes, but I hope she doesn't. Every year on White Day, I gave her- and all the other girls- roses. White. Yellow. Blue._

_This time, though, I'd give her a red one._

_She smiled. "Red would be nice, Ryoma-kun."_

And so I gave her a bouquet of red roses on White Day. The smile she gave me afterwards made all Momo-senpai's teasing worthwhile.

Er... that didn't solve my problem however. And after that day, I find it hard to 'eliminate' the cause because I continuously find myself wanting to see her every single day.

So I had come to another conclusion- a desperate one though when I really think about it: talk to someone who knows that kind of stuff.

Unfortunately, I chose the wrong person. Momo-senpai could be so useless at times.

_I grabbed Momo-senpai's arm as he was making his way to the canteen. Hissing for him to be quiet, I threw him forcefully to the next empty room. _

_"What the hell? Echizen!"_

_"Senpai, I need help."_

_Momo-senpai rolled his eyes. "What could be wrong now that you have to be so damn brutal?"_

_I took a deep breath. Ok, Echizen, this is it. I have to spill the beans to the nosiest person I know, next to Osakada. I prayed I wouldn't make a mistake, though. "Senpai, I think... I think I'm in love," I was whispering, the words ringing loudly- finally- in my ears, repeating over and over again._

_"Right. So what does that have to do with me?" There were a few moments of silence where I raised my eyebrows incredulously at him. His eyes widened at the confession. "YOU'RE WHAT?!"_

_"I'm in love with Ryuzaki. I don't know when it happened or how it happened but I want to see her and feel her and be with her every single waking moment of my life. Senpai, what am I going to do?" The words were rushing out of my mouth quickly, making Momo-senpai's eyes widen even more. When did I become so sappy?_

_"So that's why you're always running laps!" he concluded. "And the bouquet on White Day! Aha!"_

_I sighed. "Yes, yes. All that. Senpai, how can I..." I swallowed the rising bile in my throat. I can't believe I'm actually doing this._

_"Tell her?" he offered, rubbing his hands gleefully. "I've got just the trick. Although there's still the old hag to take care of."_

_"No. How can I stop the attraction?"_

And so Momo-senpai gave me some advice, rather grudgingly, on how to not love Ryuzaki anymore. It was completely foolish on my part, I admit now, but I had been young and utterly clueless of the consequences of my actions.

I should have known something was bound to go wrong.

_The next day, I decided to put my plan into action. Momo-senpai said the first thing I should do is to make her hate me, which I think is relatively easy. After all, I've never been too kind on her. I saw her walking towards me, and putting on a mask of indifference, I opened my mouth to make a snide comment when I saw her eyes._

_Had she been crying?_

_"Ryoma-kun," she started. Up close, I could see she was. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks were all flushed. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can go to your matches anymore..."_

_Any thoughts of the plan whooshed out of my head. "What?"_

_She shrugged, although I could see just standing right here in front of me was hurting her. "I figured I'd been such a distraction to you and the others..."_

_Bull. She had been the only girl welcomed on the team. Even Kaidoh-senpai appreciated her company. My eyes narrowed. What the hell was she getting at? "Why are you telling me this?" It was true. She could have just left._

_She was fumbling for words. "I guess... I guess I just want to say goodbye..."_

_To be completely honest, I was much too hurt by her words. Goodbye? That seemed so final. All too suddenly, I remembered the plan. I sneered to her, masking the pain I felt. "I won't be seeing you then."_

_She smiled, one laced with pain, though I know it was genuine. "Goodbye then, Ryoma-kun." And she was gone. This time, however, we're both alone._

_I knew this was going to happen. I actually expected this. She was the one who left, but still, the plan worked. _

_But why does it hurt so damn much?_

Who would have known I had such a dramatic love story? So all was fine for a while. I had concentrated on tennis so fiercely everybody thought I lived and breathed just for the sport. And maybe I did.

Gods, we could be in a soap opera.

So I lived like that for a few days- playing tennis and trying my best to forget about her. I couldn't say it actually worked. Because it didn't. But it was okay, because I've only gotten my heart broken. I couldn't honestly believe I thought of breaking HER heart that time. I had been so selfish.

Too late though, I realized she was suffering more.

_"What's wrong with Echizen?"_

_I stopped in my tracks, my hand freezing on the doorknob._

_"I... um..." I tensed as I heard Momo-senpai's voice from inside the tennis locker room. _

_"He's been... distracted," came Oishi-senpai's worried voice. "Is there a problem with his family?"_

_"I think it's a girl," Fuji-senpai stated softly._

_My eyes widened. They were having a team meeting about ME? Oh shit. I prayed for all the gods for Momo-senpai to not open his big mouth._

_Fat chance._

_Momo-senpai sighed in apparent resignation. "Yup. It's a girl. You see he told me he loved Ryuzaki-chan, but he needed to focus on his tennis, so he asked me how he could stop loving her, and I told him how- he forced me!" he said defensively at the others' disapproving glares. I slumped forward. Tell the whole world, huh?_

_"And you told him to make her hate him?"_

_"Er... yes."_

_"So he dumped her?"_

_"Uh... I suppose he did, based on his current performance..."_

_"Really? From Echizen's actions, my data show that it was the other way round."_

_I could feel the others tense around the room. I shivered at their silence. I suppose Fuji-senpai had his eyes open. "Exactly. Tezuka and I saw Sakuno-chan crying. Do you know why?" I could tell he knew though, and on a certain level, I think I knew as well._

_"Because she broke his heart?" Oishi-senpai offered._

_"Yes."_

_I stiffened. How could she possibly know I was heartbroken? She doesn't even know I love her! I almost barged into room when Fuji-senpai spoke again._

_"Apparently, she heard Momo and Echizen talking in a classroom..." I felt my whole world crumble at his words. Kami-sama... she knew._

_"You mean-"_

_I didn't wait to hear more. Dropping my tennis bag (the others would probably know by now I was listening), I ran. Oh gods, she broke her heart for me. Everybody thought I was too dense. They were wrong, though. Because I knew she loved me. And she let me go... Gods, she was crazy._

_I almost screamed. She wasn't supposed to hurt too! How could I have been so selfish? How could I have been so blind? Ryuzaki was the most selfless person I knew. She would push me away even if she loved me if she thought it'd be better for me._

_I found her at the rooftop._

_"I LOVE YOU, RYOMA-KUN!" She was screaming to the sky, tears falling freely from her eyes. "I love you so much! Oh Kami-sama, I love him so much..." she sobbed, falling to her knees._

_"I LOVE YOU TOO, RYUZAKI SAKUNO!" I screamed back. She whipped her head to look at me, aghast._

_"Ryoma-kun?"_

_I rushed to her, wrapping my arms tightly around her. "I'm sorry," I whispered fervently to her ear. "It was stupid of me to push you away. I was so selfish. I love you so much. I know you probably hate me but could we-" I couldn't finish because I suddenly found her lips pressed to mine. I swore I almost died and went straight to heaven. And then I cradled her head and deepened the kiss, promising to myself I would never ever let go._

I almost laughed at how sappy I had been. At least I had my happy ending though. I jogged quickly to my house and yelled, "I'm home," as I entered.

My wife of two years emerged out of the kitchen, smiling. "Welcome home, Ryoma-kun."

Hearing my name come from her lips brought a warm grin on my face. Wrapping my arms around her, just like years ago, I kissed her. "I swore to myself I would never let you go... and I swear to you now that nobody will track you down as fiercely as I will if you even think of leaving me..."

Sakuno smiled, embracing me as well. "I love you, Ryoma."

I grinned back. "I love you..." I breathed. "Gods, you don't know how much I love you."

a/n: what do you say? too fluffy? um... too much angst? stupid happy ending? er... thank you for reading this fic. I'd appreciate your reviews. thanks! ja!


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